C.S. Lewis wrote, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea…until they have someone to forgive.”
Today’s parable—the final in our series—is about the immense mercy and forgiveness God has shown to us and how we should show that same mercy and forgiveness to those around us. When we don’t, there are serious consequences. Please take a moment to read Matthew 18:21-35.
So, it begins with Peter asking how often to forgive. Why ask that? We tend to look for the minimum requirement. As a child, “How many green beans do I have to eat?” As a student, “How much of the assignment must we do?” You may recall, in an earlier parable, the legal expert asking Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” The goal is to lower the standard to help ensure compliance/righteousness.
It would be convenient for Jesus to answer “3” or “5” or even “7” as suggested by Peter. Forgiving someone 7 times seems reasonable. Three times was the accepted limit taught by many Jewish rabbis at the time. Seven seems generous, way over the top, actually. Have you ever forgiven someone 7 times? Seems like a lot.
Instead, what does Jesus say? 77 times! Some translations say “70 x 7” or 490 times! What’s He saying? That we stop forgiving someone after the 77th or 490th offense? No, He means our forgiveness should be unlimited, extremely generous.
So, in our story, a servant owes his king an incredible amount of money. 10,000 talents is 375 tons of silver which equates to about $1.25 billion in today’s dollars. Unless you’re Elon Musk, that’s a lot of money. The point is the man would never be able to satisfy the debt.
To recoup the debt, the king intended to sell the servant, his family, and their property. (Normally, a king would put the servant in prison and sell his family into slavery.) This sounds weird to us, but there were lots of slaves in that society. Today, we’d take someone to court and get money from their estate, future earnings, etc.
Imagine you’re that servant and the king is about to auction you off and possibly break up your family. How devastating! And, by the way, the king is only going to get at most 1 talent per person and usually far less, like .1 talent/person. That won’t cover the debt but there would be a measure of justice. The servant begs for more time to pay, which is quite an empty gesture. The debt was far beyond his ability to pay. It’s laughable that he considered the only issue to be the king’s patience.
Fortunately for the servant and his family, the king has a change of heart. Moved by compassion, he decides not only to not sell the servant and his family and possessions, but to forgive the debt! They don’t have to pay $1.25 billion! Happy ending, right? Not so fast!
The servant encounters another servant who owes him money—100 denarii—a common laborer’s daily wage x 100. Today, that’s roughly $13,700. Still a lot of money, but far less than $1.25B!
What’s the servant do? He demands payment and starts choking the guy! The second servant begs for mercy—for more time. Sound familiar? No mercy is given. He puts the guy in prison until the debt is repaid in full.
The king finds out from other servants—not because the offender repented. Outraged, he summons the first servant: “I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?” The king has the servant put in prison (some translations say he’s handed over to “torturers”) until he pays back the original loan in full. Effectively, that’s eternal punishment.
Had Jesus stopped there, we’d be left with a tragic tale of a servant who didn’t forgive. Shame on him! He got what he deserved. But Jesus concludes the parable on a very ominous note, saying that the same fate awaits each one of us if we fail to forgive others from the heart. “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” As Saint Francis of Assisi put it, “It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.”
In other words, God the Father’s forgiveness, which we have already been given, will be withdrawn at the final judgment if we do not imitate this forgiveness in our relationships with each other. One commentator put it this way: “The principle is clear. God has forgiven such a great debt, that any debt owed to us is absolutely insignificant in comparison. No man can possibly offend me to the extent that my sins have offended God. This principle must be applied in the little things done to us, but also to the great things done unto us.”
One of the unchanging rules of the Kingdom of God: What we do to others will be done to us – eternally! For example, in Matthew 6:12, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Or, from Luke 6:37-38: “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” So, in giving, forgiving, judging, etc., the measure I use toward others, God will use toward me. Friends, that puts forgiveness in a whole new light. If I forgive a little, I will be forgiven a little. If I forgive a lot, I will be forgiven a lot.
Allow me to get personal for a moment. How much do you need forgiven? How much daily? Monthly? Yearly? Let’s start with the sin that gives you the most problem. We probably all have one we’re thinking of—one sin or category of sin that gives us the most trouble. I want you to mentally go to a white board and write it out on the board. Now, step back and give it a look. How often have you committed that sin in the past 24 hours? Write that number underneath it. How about in the past week? How about the past year? What’s your total? Mentally go to the board and write that number down under the sin. How about during the course of your life? What’s your best guess? Do the math. Write it down.
Was it three times? Seven times? Seventy-seven times? 490 times?
How many times does it need to be forgiven for you to go to heaven? Answer: Every time! And that’s just for that one sin category. If you’re like me, and I suspect you are, there are a lot more sin categories! Good luck on estimating your total number of sins—of commission and omission—across all sin categories. We’re going to need a calculator! And we’re in need of God’s grace & mercy. The blood of Jesus is our only hope! If we expect Him to forgive us, we’ve got to forgive others—that’s the bottom line.
Let’s dive deeper and look at five related questions:
1. Are we required to “forgive and forget”? Is that even possible?
The reality is we can’t always forget. If you’ve been sexually abused, or had a loved one killed by a drunk driver, you may be able to forgive the offender on some level, but it’s unlikely you will forget that it happened. I’ve never been sexually abused, but I have been hurt or wronged a few times, even by loved ones and people I thought were trustworthy friends. I have forgiven the people involved, but I still remember the incidents. I wish that I didn’t. I wish that I could magically erase that portion of the hard drive. Some wrongs I surely have forgotten, aided in part by getting older and not remembering lots of things. But that’s not mandatory for forgiveness to occur.
Earlier this year, Charlie Kirk’s widow said that she forgave his killer and I believe her. But she’ll never forget that moment, or her husband, or the crime committed against him. So, even if we can’t “forgive and forget”… at least “forgive and remember”. And be thankful for a God who can, through the sacrifice of His Son, erase our entire sin hard drive!
2. What about “forgiving unconditionally” vs “forgiving conditionally”?
Unconditionally means there are no strings attached. Conditionally means just that—there are conditions. “You must wallow at my feet for 24 hours!” “You must suffer for a while!” What about “I’ll forgive you, but you must never do that thing again!” That one is hard. But think back to God forgiving you of the sin that causes the most problems for you. What if God said, “I’ll forgive you once, but that’s it!”
Does God forgive conditionally? Yes! He loves us unconditionally but forgives conditionally. How so? We must be a Christian—washed in the blood of Christ. That’s where we find our forgiveness. Also, we must forgive others—the main point of this parable. 1 John 4:11 states, “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”
3. Are there sometimes consequences, even when we forgive someone?
Yes! For example, adultery is biblical grounds to divorce someone. So, it’s possible that a woman forgives her husband and they remain married. But she also has biblical grounds to divorce him. And I certainly don’t think she has to stay in that relationship while he cheats on her 77 times! The same goes for abuse. A woman is not required to remain in a home where she is repeatedly abused, under the guise of forgiveness. And even if she forgives her husband, the perpetrator may still go to jail. One commentator put it this way: “While extending forgiveness as the wronged person is a necessary step for reconciliation, your willingness to forgive does not obligate you to restore the relationship or trust the person.”
The same goes for a friend who takes advantage of me financially. They borrow money for one stated, legit purpose but use it for an illegit purpose. I can forgive them, but I don’t have to keep giving them money. Nor do I have to hang out with them. Forgiveness and consequences can coincide and often do.
4. How does our forgiveness (or lack thereof) affect our Christian witness?
It stands out. It’s noticed. Part of letting our light shine is showing the world how we respond to being wronged. Jesus called it “turning the other cheek”.
Years ago, I wrote a devotional entitled “Forgiving As We’re Forgiven” for my book Faith in the Margins…
On October 2, 2006, Charles Carl Roberts walked into an Amish one-room schoolhouse in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. Angry with God over the death of his newborn daughter nine years earlier, he took hostages and ultimately shot eight of 10 girls (ages 6-13), killing five, before taking his own life.
The mass killing devastated the small Amish community and made headlines nationwide. The enduring legacy of the horrific event, however, has more to do with forgiveness than the taking of innocent human life. The Amish community that lost so much didn’t hesitate to forgive the killer and reach out to his family.
- A grandfather of one of the victims warned other relatives not to hate or think evil of the killer.
- Another Amish community member reached out to the Roberts family hours after the shooting to offer comfort and forgiveness to them.
- An Amish man reportedly held Robert’s sobbing father in his arms for an hour to comfort him.
- The Amish community set up a charitable fund for Roberts’ family.
- About 30 Amish community members attended Roberts’ funeral. Additionally, Marie Roberts, the killer’s widow, was one of only a few outsiders to be invited to attend the funeral of one of the young victims.
The Amish community’s amazing expressions of forgiveness touched our nation and helped the Roberts family to heal. Marie Roberts, in an open letter to her Amish neighbors, wrote, “Your love for our family has helped to provide the healing we so desperately need. Gifts you’ve given have touched our hearts in a way no words can describe. Your compassion has reached beyond our family, beyond our community, and is changing our world, and for this we sincerely thank you.”
In Genesis 45, Joseph reunites with his brothers who have hated him, plotted against him, left him for dead in a pit, and later sold him as a slave to some traveling Midianites. In verses 14-15, we read, “Then he threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin embraced him, weeping. And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them. Afterward his brothers talked with him.” It would be understandable for Joseph, in his position of authority, to express anger and bitterness toward his brothers and exact revenge. Instead, Joseph, like the Amish community, shows mercy and forgiveness. What a wonderful example of forgiveness. The scars and wounds are still there. But when we forgive others as God forgives us, healing can occur.
5. Must we forgive someone who doesn’t repent?
There are 2 schools of thought. I’ll cover each…
School #1: No, you mustn’t forgive someone who doesn’t repent. Biblical forgiveness is generally not extended without repentance. Part of being right with God and receiving forgiveness is that we repent, among other things. If I haven’t repented, I can’t expect God to forgive me. If that were the case, Jesus wouldn’t have had to die on a cross. (See Acts 2:38)
Luke 17:3-4 seems to clearly state that forgiveness is conditioned on repentance: “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
Some argue that to forgive someone who hasn’t repented is to put oneself above God–an attempt to “out forgive” God–which is itself problematic and possibly even sinful (under School #1).
Even if Christians aren’t called to forgive the unrepentant, we should maintain a spirit of forgiveness and be ready to forgive when repentance occurs. Even without repentance, a Christian can “forgive” by: 1) Choosing not to hold onto bitterness, which hurts them more than the offender and may hinder the offender from repenting, and 2) By leaving vengeance to God—He will judge justly.
School #2: Some scholars see it differently. They believe we should forgive an unrepentant sinner. One commentator makes the case this way: “That thinking [School #1] is wrong, because I do not stand in the same place as God in the equation, and I never can. God stands as One who has never been forgiven and never needed forgiveness; I stand as one who has been forgiven and needs continual forgiveness. Therefore – if it were possible – we should be far quicker to forgive than God is, without precondition of repentance, because we stand as forgiven sinners who must also forgive. We have an even greater obligation to forgive than God does… Since we have been forgiven so much, we have no right to withhold forgiveness from others. We are the debtor forgiven almost an infinite debt; will we hold on to the small debts others owe to us? If anyone had the right to withhold forgiveness it is God – and He forgives more freely and more completely than anyone we know. What possible right do we have to hold on to our unforgiveness?”
You can decide for yourself which view you align with. The parables are designed to get us thinking and I hope this parable, and this question in particular, have caused you to do that. Regardless of how you answer the question, the point of the parable is for us to be more forgiving—excessive, extreme, over the top–like the forgiveness God extends to us.
Luke 6:36 states, “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” Let’s strive to do that.
Put another way, “Give out forgiveness like it’s someone else’s money.”
I hope you have enjoyed our study of the parables. Perhaps we can examine additional ones in the future.
Thanks for reading!
And Merry Christmas!
