I almost got arrested this week—nearly ended up in a Turkish prison. I’ll get to that.

A few years ago, Janet and I decided to do a tour of Greece for our 40^th wedding anniversary in 2028. Both of our sons had spent time in Greece and raved about their experiences. We also did a tour of the Holy Lands in 2013 and consider it the best trip we’ve ever been on.

Our timeline accelerated, however, when we learned of a faith-based tour to Istanbul and Greece being offered by Kenneth Mills Tours, with commentary provided by Dr. Bruce McLarty! Bruce was the Harding University President when our youngest, Kyle, was the Student Association President, so the two of them worked closely together and Kyle speaks highly of him. 

As added incentive, I have felt increasingly compelled not to wait on bucket list items. We’re not guaranteed good health or even to be alive in two minutes, much less two years. If there’s something you really want to do and have the opportunity to do it, don’t wait for the “perfect” time. Go get it while you can! If you can bring along dear friends, as we did with neighbors Joe & Jan Johnson and Kevin & Dana Townsend (friends of 37 years), all the better.

Our first challenge was at the Atlanta airport, where we had to get from Terminal A to the international Terminal E in the 23 minutes between landing and boarding again. To add to the excitement, Joe inadvertently left his Fannie pack on the plane and tried to return and re-board to find it. The stewardesses were having none of that but agreed to retrieve the pack on his behalf. We then activated OJ Simpson mode—no, not murdering our spouses but running through the airport, hurdling strollers, and pushing nuns out of the way.

We made it just in time and found our seats. Joe, who was sitting behind me, pointed out the floor panel along the wall between us was dislodged! We could look down and see the underbelly of the plane—the place where you can find landing gear and the skeleton of the winner of the Delta Airlines 1987 hide-and-go-seek contest. 

Joe called the stewardess over. I told her I was a former Sojourner and could repair the panel with some duct tape. She declined my offer, said she’d submit a work order, and suggested we not drop anything like our cell phones into the 12” x 15” hole. To her credit, she also put 5,000 miles on each of our Delta accounts! I figure if we knock out and then point out three more 12” x 15” holes on future Delta flights, we’ll earn a free trip.

The 8 hour, 45 minute flight across the pond was as pleasant as it can be for a 6’ 2” guy in a seat designed for Kevin Hart, next to a gaping hole in the floor. I didn’t sleep but was able to watch the movies Marty Supreme and Mercy.

In Amsterdam, we began running into some of the 40 green-lanyard wearing people also on the Walking with Paul tour. I showed my appreciation for them by finding an empty bench nearby and sleeping for an hour.

At 11:30 a.m. local time on Thursday morning, we began boarding Delta 9568 to Istanbul. We showed our passports, swiped our boarding passes, and headed over to the entrance to the gangway. Unfortunately, the door was closed and locked even though several passengers had already gone through it. Another passenger and I pushed, pulled, and turned the doorknob, to no avail. It was locked. 

I looked to the left of the door and spotted a green button, labeled “Open Door”. Whenever I need to open a locked door and I see a sign telling me to push a green button to open the door, I’m going to push that button. So, I did. Well, folks, it turns out it was a fire alarm and sirens were now blaring throughout the Amsterdam Airport!

The next thing I saw was a gate agent from KLM’s Royal Dutch Airlines—the blond gal in a pigtail probably named Heidi who had told me to “enjoy your flight” two minutes earlier—come barreling toward me with her hair on fire (which, technically, would justify me pulling the alarm). I looked for a hiding place, not unlike young Anne Frank and her family did in 1942, a mere 17 kilometers away. If Heidi had been wearing wooden shoes, I’m convinced she would have beaten me with one of them. I tried to avoid blame by subtly pointing my elbow toward Janet, but there were too many witnesses.

Heidi stared me down and yelled, “Jij stomme Amerikaan!” which does not mean “Enjoy your flight!” Moments later, an angry fire marshal arrived and I explained my actions. He said, “Did you not read the other sign to the right of the button, written in English—“Only use in emergencies”? 

“No, sir, I did not. I’m very sorry.”

“Do you want to go to prison?” (At this point, Janet started laughing. She clearly has no concept of what goes on in Turkish prisons.)

“No, sir, I do not want to go to prison.” I wanted to add, “Listen, I’ve been awake for 23 of the past 24 hours, just had to straddle a terrifying, gaping hole in the floor of the plane while flying over the North Atlantic Ocean–right over the Titanic wreckage, was just served a slice of cheese and cold, ground up eggs between two slices of bread for breakfast, I really just need to get to Istanbul for some Baklava, so how about turning off the alarm, calling off your attack dog Heidi, and opening the door?”

I only thought these things.

After being shown Dutch mercy and finally arriving in Istanbul, we met up with long-time friends Kevin and Dana and the rest of the Walking with Paul tour! Our amazing tour guide, Pinar, herded us like tired, elderly cats through the massive airport, with only one person falling.

We made it to Istanbul, y’all! The ancient, ~ 8,500-year-old city spans two continents, physically bridging Europe and Asia. We’ll spend two days and two nights here for a cultural immersion, before flying to Thessaloniki, where we’ll begin walking in the footsteps of the Apostle Paul.

I hope you’ll join us!

Until then, don’t push any green buttons!